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 The confessional is now open......

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ozspur
Gary Stevens
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Sat Mar 22 2008, 15:15

Oh shit, Padre, I have well and truly sinned now and I can see no redemption. Last night I partook of several beverages that were deep red in colour. But that is not all. I was accompanied throughout the evening by my daughter who was dressed in the colours of the devil. Sadly, Padre Benny, there is worse to come. I walked past a previously mentioned hostelry with the accursed shirt of the heathens upon its wall. I truly should have crossed to the other side of the road but failed to do so. Instead, I jumped into a taxi, which alas was red in colour. It was only when we were underway that I noticed the driver was wearing a red jacket with the evil name of our most acccursed foe written upon it. I know I should have taken some forceful action, but instead I paid the man fully upon arrival at my destination. Lord Ramos is not pleased and no doubt there is no punishment severe enough for a sinner such as me.
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ozspur
Gary Stevens
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Sat Mar 22 2008, 16:24

PS

My daughter is most displeased that the Padre has angered our beloved Lord and that it now pisseth down on her holiday in HK.
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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Sat Mar 22 2008, 16:57

Ozpsur, it taketh a noble man to confess to these vile deeds. Indeed, some of the flock might do well to take a leaf out of your book when it comes to confessing instead of being 'dobbed' in by fellow spurs followers. There are a multitude of sins here, and I do not think that any number of Hail Hoddles or Gloroius Galvins will cleanse your muddied soul. Instead, i recommend that you perform a pilgrimage to the holiest of holies and prostrate yourself outside the ground whilst onlookers pelt you with objects that be'th white, e.g. lego, dog shit and such like.

Then, after 40 days of this you must walk barefoot to the new home of Ar5na1 and sing the Abedayor song and any others abt Wenger being a Charlie Chester at the top of your vioce whilst befouling your undergarments. These can thence be thrown at the aforementioned ground. That should do it. Ramos be with you.
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Barry Lineker
Andy Booth
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 11:33

Forgive me father for I have sinned:

I couldn't say no to a couple of cheeky glasses of cab-sav last night! I feel the shame of it this morning and the worst part of it is that I know I will be tempted to sin again!

I realise that this is an ecumenical matter and will therefore have to go before a higher council but I wondered if we could have a blanket absolution for all sins committed by imbibing be it from the grape or the grain?

Your humble servant B. Lineker
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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 13:09

My child, you are not the first to let that liquid of Satan cascade down your throat and fester in your belly. Indeed, who amongst us can place their hand on their breast and say that they have never swallowed Satan's jizz? You may find some solice in the fact that eventually thou shalt pass the aformentioned liquid out of your miniscule peni, therefore sending it down the drain where it truly belongs.
Our Lord Ramos has a favourite saying, keep Gus Poyet close, but keep that kiddy fiddler Wenger closer. Looking at the problem from that angle you can see that you are testing your body, after all, do we not wake up the morning after imbibing the foul liquid and shake like a shitting dog? This is your body rebelling against Wengers love piss.
Thou'st still needs to say 5 Beautific Bertis and 2 Hallowed Howells. Ramos be with you.
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IanG
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 14:17

Forgive me father for I have sinned.

It has been many years since my last visit to the Holy Church at White Hart Lane for my last confession.

Many years ago I was involved in an accident involving an industrial saw and my left hand.

As a result I partially severed one of my fingers.
In an effort to staunch the bloodflow I wrapped my hand in my beloved Spurs shirt, to my horror and eternal shame this action caused a horrific RED stain to appear on the chest area of my shirt!!!

I prayed for forgiveness but my faith at the time must have been weak because the very next season our beloved club changed their sponsors and adopted the very same Red taint as had besmirched my own shirt.

Since that day I have been constantly reminded of my blasphemous actions every time I watch our Holy Crusaders fight the Infidels of the Premiership and hold myself in shame for our failures.

I now repent and throw myself at the mercy of the Holy Trinity,
The Father (Ramos), The Son (Poyet) and The Holy Spirit (Sir Bill Nick)

I will accept any punishment that may be given me with a glad heart, whether it be
Crucifiction?

Flogging?

Should I be Stoned?

Either of these?

Or should I have sharp objects inserted into my private parts? which funny enough are shaped just like a turnip.
"WICKED CHILD"

"HOW DARE YOU BRING GODS HOLY TURNIP INTO THIS CONFESSION"

May the Lord Ramos bless you for your tireless work at the SIHK inquisition
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Number 10
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 14:55

Brilliant, Ian! Laughing

A nomination for post of the year, I say!
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DannyBoy
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 15:05

Tee hee, that made me chuckle Smile

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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 15:44

Young Ian, our Lord Ramos moves in mysterious ways, yes we carry the colour of Le Arse on our shirts, but why do we do this? Why, it is to remind us of our eternal struggle against Ar5ena1. What would happen if we were lax? I shall tell you, they would be thrusting their pink garlic swords into our lilywhite behinds before you could say 'va-va-voom'. Yes, they are like that, they are 'good with colours'. Our pristine white ways would be spoilt, just like young Billy Piper was after that ginger twat fest Chris Evans married her. Or like Angelina after Brad and her indulged in some 'Bournville Boulevard' loving.
So fear not, be still thy beating heart. Wear your shirt with pride, tis' good enough for the Prophet Keane, then tis good enough for you. Still, you did besmirch the cloth, so say 3 Tempestuous Thorstvedts and 2 Saintly Sintons. Ramos be with you.
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IanG
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 17:47

Ramos be Praised
We must take our Holy Crusade to the people to expose the unbeliever for what he truly is.
just check on this list of 'famous' Ar5ena1 supporters;

Osama Bin Laden
Fidel Castro
Pol Pot
Joseph Stalin

Are you seeing where this is going........
The Beast is among us and must be destroyed
KILLLLLL THE INFIDELLLLL
IN THE NAME OF RAMOS I STRIKE THEE DOWN SATAN>>>>>>


errr...... sorry chaps, got a bit carried away for a second there.......
I'll just get me coat......
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GDG
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Wed May 21 2008, 19:37

Crucifiction! Laughing There has to be a joke in there somewhere.
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Barry Lineker
Andy Booth
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 17:53

Dear Padre Bennycat,

As your appointed chief sneak protector of our sihk flock of loyal followers I feel it my duty to once again bring to your attention one who has strayed.
As I was doing my rounds this weekend I was patrolling past that giant red shopping monstrosity that is know as the “mega-box”. I spotted Spur’don looking nervously over his shoulder heading inside!
affraid
Horrified I ran to pull him away but alas I was too late he disappeared up the escalators towards the sport section. By the time I finally caught up with him he was in marathon sports absentmindedly fingering through the Ar5na1 away shirts somehow mesmerized by their spell. I shook him violently to try to break the spell but he simply muttered “I didn’t see it” over and over again in a French accent.

Lord Ramos is it too late to save him? What can be done?

Your loyal servant B. Lineker
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DannyBoy
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 18:02

affraid

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Number 10
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 18:11

A witch! A witch! Burn him!
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spur'don
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 18:19

How dare you !

The only time I've ever touched a gooner shirt in a sports shop was 18 years ago in croydon. I was dared by a fellow Yid to ruin a complete rack of the filthy shirts with a black marker pen. I did not fail the task Lord Ramos.
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DannyBoy
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 18:29

So you HAVE been in contact with Satan's silk!

That can only mean one thing...



A WITCH!

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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:14

Hush my children, hush. These accusations are grave indeed. As we know, anyone of purest lilywhite who has touched the accursed red will instantly suffer from burns to their being. They will be in constant pain and only the administration of 24 hrs of Chas n Dave and their entire being entwined in cloth of the whitest white will the marks of Satan be soothed.
Now, the accusation of witch-hood. There is an easy test, any parishioner can administer. We shall cut his throat asunder. Should the accursed red spill forth then we have our witch and shall burn he/she at the goal posts of Happy Valley. Should, however, saintly white spew from his neck, then he shall be called a true Yid and an ambulance shall be summoned. After we have toasted the joyous discovery. And had some crisps.
Let us meet at the village green tonight at 8. Bring your pitchforks.
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spur'don
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:32

Bennycat wrote:
Hush my children, hush. These accusations are grave indeed. As we know, anyone of purest lilywhite who has touched the accursed red will instantly suffer from burns to their being. They will be in constant pain and only the administration of 24 hrs of Chas n Dave and their entire being entwined in cloth of the whitest white will the marks of Satan be soothed.
Now, the accusation of witch-hood. There is an easy test, any parishioner can administer. We shall cut his throat asunder. Should the accursed red spill forth then we have our witch and shall burn he/she at the goal posts of Happy Valley. Should, however, saintly white spew from his neck, then he shall be called a true Yid and an ambulance shall be summoned. After we have toasted the joyous discovery. And had some crisps.
Let us meet at the village green tonight at 8. Bring your pitchforks.

Laughing . Classic Beenycat !
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spur'don
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:36

DannyBoy wrote:
So you HAVE been in contact with Satan's silk!

That can only mean one thing...



A WITCH!

If you read more carefully you'll notice I said I ruined the flithy shirts with a marker pen. The marker pen, not my flesh, touched Satan's silk and so I remain a pure Yid who has done mankind a great deed.
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DannyBoy
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:39

spur'don wrote:


The only time I've ever touched a gooner shirt in a sports shop was 18 years ago in croydon. I was dared by a fellow Yid to ruin a complete rack of the filthy shirts with a black marker pen. I did not fail the task Lord Ramos.

The lady doth protest too much!

Now, where's me pitchfork?

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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:51

Beenycat !

He is a witch! Burn him/her!!!!
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DannyBoy
Edgar Davids
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 19:57

Typos are a sure sign of the devil that doth dwell within!

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spur'don
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Mon Jun 02 2008, 23:43

DannyBoy wrote:
Typos are a sure sign of the devil that doth dwell within!

Haha. You caught me big time with that typo.

Embarassed
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Sam
Paolo Tramezzani
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Tue Jun 03 2008, 00:50

Forgive me Father Bennycat for I have sinned. I totally guilty. I haven't shown up when we fought with the scum.
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Bennycat
Gregor Raziak
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PostSubject: Re: The confessional is now open......   Tue Jun 03 2008, 08:57

Sam, Sam, Sam. What ist to be done with thou? I have had many parishoners asking me to excommunicate you, but I say this. Let s/he who is free from sin cast the first Chas and Dave CD. Who amongst us can truly say, with hand on Gus Poyet's autobiography ('Thank You Very Much Please', available at Dymocks, reduced down to $15.00 from $199) that we have never let a fellow Yid down? Who amongst us ca-hold on, he didn't turn up to play against the scum!!! You low down piece of sub human fuck-stick. Lord Ramos is mightily displeased, he made Lennon do 15 laps of the field when he turned up two minutes late to the end of year Pinata bash. Sambell, thy name is dirt. To be allowed back into the hallowed gates of SiHK thou must do a huge pennance. To start with, you must clean the toe jam from between young Janeks pustulent feet. Then thou must have a shower with James10. A long, hot steamy shower with a very slippery soap. That is only the start, Lord Ramos is pondering more trials for you to overcome. Ramos be with you.
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